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Externally we are united, internally we are divided. There are multiple ‘scenes’ which make up the gay community portrayed to wider society. From the outside we are one big happy family striving to be accepted – on a mission to eradicate the ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality. However, scratch beneath the microdermabrasioned surface and you’ll discover there are numerous cases of ‘us’ and ‘them’, which I’m keen to explore.

From the mainstream scene to the bears, from the twinks to the leather daddies, from the fisters to the S&M bondage lovers to the bisexuals and the ever popular ‘non-scene’, our gay community is an all-you-can eat smorgasbord of sexual gratification. All you need you to do is choose your poison.

A couple of my ladies and I were recently enjoying some Saturday night wine time on the balcony when of course the conversation turned to sex. Now I consider myself pretty vanilla but that does not mean I don’t like hearing about all the dirty shit that goes on behind people’s closed doors. My friend (let’s call him Puppy) is one experienced sex hound and he is not ashamed to lay it all out in the open. I’ve never really been inclined to dabble in kink, but I wanted to hear all about it. I was a sponge that night and ready to absorb every Crisco covered, scat filled detail. So it went a little something like this….

  • Me: Show me!
  • Puppy: No!
  • Me: Pleeeease! I wanna see it!
  • Puppy: No…. OK!

Off he gallops into his apartment only to emerge a minute later with what I can only describe as…. Unbelievable. Laid across my knees was a long drawer filled with toys and Puppy’s tools of the trade. Dildos, butt plugs, dog collars, gloves, masks, anal beads, rope, blindfolds, lube – you name it, it was in there. One by one Puppy told the story of each item – for us it was insightful, for him it was a trip down memory lane…

He went on to explain the Bear and Leather scene in Sydney – the parties, the people, the politics. It occurred to me that even though I am definitely not in these scenes, I can certainly recognise similarities in the scene I hang in, which I guess I’d call ‘mainstream’.

Beyond the strong sense of hedonism (i.e. awesome music, dancing and party drugs) one of the biggest similarities is the bitchiness. No matter what scene you hang in, there is bound to be a whole lot of bitchiness and even more cases of ‘us’ and ‘them’. I’m not saying I’ve never been bitchy (Jesus, I’m like an episode of Ricki Lake) but I understand there’s no need for it and wish it wasn’t so prevalent.

For example, I was at Daywash on New Years Day. I love Daywash and this one was particularly awesome because some of my favourite (read: campest!) DJ’s were playing. I was with my favourite ladies, drunk off my titties, the sun was shining and I was high on… life. Brilliant. At about 8pm, the mood shifted and everyone was slighty (read: massively) manky. People were throwing greasy stares left, right and centre. I realised people are very good at giving good face in the gay scene;

“Hey gurl! How are you?! Oh my God, I haven’t seen you in ages – have a good day babes!”

*Walks away rolling eyes thinking, “Fuck, I hate that queen!”*

The mask comes off when everyone is fucked up and no one gives a shit who they offend. I guess that’s why a lot of people grow tired of ‘the scene’ very quickly – no matter what scene that may be – and who can blame them?? It’s tiring going out with the intention of having fun but then having to deal with a group of bitchy, judging queens and their fag hags.

As we gear up for Sydney Mardi Gras, one of the biggest festivals to promote GLBTI equality/acceptance in the world, it would be great if we could create some equality internally. There’s really no point getting everyone on our side if there are still a tonne of barriers still dividing us from the inside.  Of course we’re all still individuals, but at the end of the day we have too much in common to let these barriers detract from that.

I’ve got a visual of the closing scenes of Queer As Folk (the US/Canadian version) where Brian and Michael are dancing on the podium at Babylon, the lasers and glitter balls are gleaming, that AH-MAZE remix of Heather Small’s Proud is playing and everyone is partying together, united. It’s a beautifully perfect moment.

Let’s cut the shit and have more moments like that.