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For example, X went on a date recently with a guy he’d been chatting to on Grindr. The guy had seemed normal enough and quite keen while they were chatting, but when they met up in person the dude was completely different. It was like drawing blood out of a stone; he just shut down. Eventually, he stood up, said “nice to meet you” and walked out. Ummm… rude!

I had been chatting to this guy who was desperate to meet up with me at Stereosonic. Sounded harmless. Sure, why not? Then I mentioned that I needed to get a haircut before the festival. What followed was a freakish series of pleas from this guy for me not to cut my hair, “I just want to run my fingers through your long hair. Please grow it out for me. Please, I’m begging you – don’t get your hair cut. For me, please?!” Ummm… Block!

As X, Y and I were chatting and more of these types of stories were shared I was sort of comforted that I wasn’t the only one having these bizarre encounters. However, I was also a little alarmed – is my entire dating life going to be filled with these odd disaster stories that only served as fodder at random media events where we sheepishly laugh at ourselves as we rape the open bar to numb the pain? If it’s happening to everyone else it’s bound to continue to happen to me, right?!

Now I know that Grindr isn’t the greatest place to meet someone serious…. If the latest marriage equality video is anything to go by, perhaps I should just hang out on a ferry and I’ll bump into my future husband?

I love that video. If you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t seen it, here it is!



It’s beautiful and it did induce a few tears. Which is rare for me. The last time I cried in a movie was in Never Been Kissed when Drew Barrymore’s character gets egged in her prom dressed while she’s on her porch waiting to be picked up (again, who the fuck does that? Where are all the normal people?!)

Although, the more I watched it (I’ve watched it at least 20 times. Yes, I am a massive loser), it actually made me feel even lonelier. I understand that the scenario is heavily stylised and portrays the society we are all fighting for (where same sex couples are allowed to marry) but it made me feel insanely envious of the lead character. He has landed a ‘normal’ guy and I’m stuck to wade through the sea of randoms with hair fetishes. Brilliant.

I’m not looking for someone who is perfect in every sense of the word. But is it too much to ask for an actual human?

I recently updated my Grindr profile to say, “over megalomaniacs, sociopaths, perverts and emotional fuck wits”. Yes, I am Bridget Jones.

As soon as I had done this, my phone had an epileptic fit with messages from guys saying how much they agreed with me. That’s funny, they all agreed with me and yet a lot of them fit this description perfectly. So, it seems we are all looking for the same thing and yet we’re all on completely different pages when it comes to getting it.

As I sat listening to X & Y, I said, “We’re normal. All my other friends are normal. Why do all the people we’re trying to form a romantic attachment with transform into freaks?”

Does something happen when you pursue someone outside of friendship territory? These people all have normal jobs, they all have families and friends that they care about. So what happens to people’s ability to interact/behave socially when sex and relationships are on the cards?

Perhaps they think they are being normal?

I should clarify that I’m not saying I’m normal. Far from it. I take after my mother and that is one crazy bitch right there. But that me, I don’t sugar coat it and I don’t lie. I also pride myself on being able to talk to and interact with anyone (anyone!) It’s part of my job and I like it. For all intents and purposes, I guess my definition of normal is real. Is it too much to ask for genuine honesty?

I guess until I bump into my future husband on a ferry, I should just grow my hair out and head back to the bar for another free vino.

Tx

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