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This is American Idol – The Glambert Final.

  • Written by  Lisa McMahon
  • Published in TV
Let’s get this straight. American Idol and Australian Idol are chalk and cheese, our Idol is nothing more than a refreshed Pot of Gold - may you rest in peace Bernard King. American Idol is about talent and showmanship. It is also a barometer of average American’s opinion of non-threatening pop boys and girls, and as every fag-hag knows that the best non-threatening boy is a gay boy.

At first, gaydars hardly registered Adam. He was overshadowed by Norman Gentle’s cruise ship camp antics. Then Adam’s Burning Man and tongue down his boyfriend’s throat snaps emerged. OMG! Adam Glam Lambert is Gay! The internet was abuzz that a boy from San Diego into musical theatre should turn out to be gay. Fancy that!

Adam’s cock sure gayliner enhanced glam mashup performances took him all the way to tonight’s finale. He didn’t let me down. There was the blue fog juiced Matrix styling of Tears for Fears “Mad World” performance where he delivered his trademark epiglottis workout high notes and Liberace showmanship.

His next song, Sam Cookes’ "A Change Is Gonna Come" had him, according to Randy, “singing his arse off”. With his earnest lip quivers and tough boy pout he looked like a cross between Elvis and Mod Squad.

Kara DioGuardi, your Idol Winner song “No Boundaries” is just plain boring. The Glambert just looked bored and I expected some grandma to jump on stage and squeeze his chubby cheeks as he easily stepped over the lyrics “bla bla… climb every mountain… bla bla you can go higher”.

Sorry if you expected a review that talked about his competitor. It was only during the final performance show that I found out his name was Chris and tonight I realise it is actually spelt Kris.

The big question was not Adam’s talent but “Can a gay contestant win?” Not that the strutting showboy has ever acknowledged his sexuality deflecting all of Simon Cowell’s innuendoes with a self-confident grin. Clay came close but took six years to say yep, I’m a member of the team, and as for Kelly Clarkson, the jury is still out.

Adam didn’t win and I shed a little glycerine tear. In the end there is no more non-threatening boy than one you don’t even notice.

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