A graceful gay... hashtag whaaat.
How do you grow old gracefully when you are a gay man with a high sex drive who is a nudist and has an exhibitionistic streak? You don't.
As I am well and truly set in my 40s like a stubborn blackhead smack in the middle of your nose just before you're meeting with HR regarding a possible pay rise, I am often left wondering how I am going for my age comparatively with my peers. A handsome mid 50's man once said to me a few years back that I am about to enter the age where people will start saying to me "You look good... for your age" and he cursed me. Damn his prediction and high cheek bones with his rugged walk, strong shoulders and huge bulge in his Emergency Response protective all in one with front zip undone to just below his naval. He really did look good, for his age.
It is useless to look to my 80's Pop Icons from a misspent youth for a comparison as I can't afford the cosmetic resculpting they have done periodically to maintain their relevance. Even then, the work is mostly facial, so how does their body look under those designer label rags? Does their ass have as many dimples as mine? When they wave goodbye to their friends does the skin under their arms keep waving 10 mins later? Do their nipples still stand out with perky confidence in front of them or have they become soft and defeated, forever looking forlorn at their feet?
But it's not just how you look, it's also how you act and feel. I wonder when I will reach that age and say to myself "It's time to stop broadcasting on Cam4 and Snapchat is now only for sharing a pic of a well made latte".
I already know the answer. Never. I'm not going to be limited by what other people may regard as age appropriate behaviour. I won't wear a pair of sand coloured Chinos cause they look crap on my now thicker thighs, and for the same reason I refuse to wear super skinny jeans. The thing is, I have standards, not morals.
I appreciate everyone of the thousand plus viewers on Cam4 tuned in till I reach that money shot. I'm not in it for the tokens, I'm not a charity. Snapchat is now a part of foreplay for me. It's like fishing, I've got the rod and the tackle and I like to see who will bite. I've learnt to do so much with my left hand cause the right had is multi-tasking by being a photographer and customer service representative.
It's all lighting and angles. I know my limits. Each passing year see's my selfies about 5 degrees higher than the last. By the end of the decade I'll be stretched so far back my head will be resting on the crack of my butt just so the skin on my face looks stretched enough in soft lighting to pass for a okay photo.
Now I know all the warnings that things put up on the internet can't be taken down. If you screenshot I take it as a sign of a job well done, especially after all the filtering and editing I've done! It's all about perspective and attitude, and I've got a positive spin on both. I've been on the wrong end of revenge porn, I lived. My sister did a google and she wasn't bothered by it, so why should I be?
Would things be different if I was young now with all this technology and over sharing? Absolutely not, it's who I am. I'd just have a lot more images and videos out there. The fact people find my mature body enjoyable surprises me as much as any one else, but like those grey hairs appearing all over my chest, you've just gotta roll with it.