Features

Thong-etiquette

Category: Features Created on Thursday, 24 January 2013 14:40 Written by Lisa McMahon

I just looked down at my feet. I’m wearing thongs.*

No big deal for an Australian. They are part of our national costume.

But I am sitting at my desk in big banking! It feels slightly rebellious and ever so liberating to have my feet in the shoe equivalent of a Brazilian bikini whilst working. Everything is hanging out. There is no room for foot modesty.

Why such a breach of the business dress code?

Tomorrow is Australia Day and I have decided to commemorate the birth of our nation by wearing my thongs to work - an infinitely wiser move than celebrating with a Southern Cross neck tattoo.

Come next week it will be back to the corporate uniform of pumps, ballet flats, peep toes and sling backs.

I obsess about footwear a lot. I have shoes for every occasion (and then some) but pairing the right shoe to the right occasion causes me angst and a huge amount of unproductive time. My most anxious state is deciding on dance party footwear. There are so many conditions to consider - style, trend, theme, look, mood, colour, function, fit - and social appropriateness rules to apply.

I am summer-loving my thongs and I have 8 pairs to fondle.

So, to thong or not to thong this Mardi Gras party season?

The Parade and Mardigrasland are definitely not the places for thongs.  Unless you’re in a tropical resort my “no thongs after dark” rule kicks in and closes down any further need for debate. Beside, it would just be so wrong. Like things and fine dining. Just say no.

But my conundrum is Harbour Party. Yes, it’s day time. Yes, it’s a dressed down affair but “party” and “thong” in my rule book only go together for BBQ or Pool Parties. But something strange has happened today, with my little tootsies hanging free. I feel like I want to wear thongs everywhere until summer ends.

Comfort isn’t number one on my footwear selection criteria. Safety runs somewhere down the end of the list too. It’s always style driving my decision.

It wasn’t always the case. Back when I was fresh faced and newly exploring gay night clubs there was only one footwear choice – practical Doc Marten shoes or boots. Yes, I know… lesbian stereotype! We young gayella loved our Docs for dancing. You could boogie all night in these chunky utilitarian clodhoppers and (at the time) they looked fabulous with a little pair of Aussie Boys Lycra shorts and bra top. If you had the long 8 eyelet version they also doubled as your handbag as you could stuff huge amounts of night clubbing essentials down your socks.

The other reason we loved our Doc Martens was you avoided the embarrassment of being refused entry to a club for being a “straight bimbo in open toed shoes”.  I never struck up the nerve to ask a bouncer “why a girl couldn’t wear open toe shoes but a drag queen could?”

Ok. Reality is kicking in…

I think I might be just that little bit too much of a shoe obsessive to go with such risky, foot revealing equipment to sustain me through a party. There is the real and present danger of getting toes squished by the boys on the dance floor. Ugh! Imagine a trip to the medics with a gammy toe! Not pretty. OK. Thongs are out. Perhaps sneakers are the go?

* For you non-Australians, thongs are flip flops not underwear. It really would be a relaxed day in the office if I had my underpants (or undies as we call them) on my feet!